ALBUM REVIEW: MIRACULOUS MULE – Two Tonne Testimony (Muletone/Bronzerat) – Hearing voices when there’s no one around? She loves Jesus more than she loves me? Don’t be looking for mercy in their eyes now. Making porno flicks on Mars? Making them for the Dream City Film Club? Now don’t be taking this as more damn hyperbole, but this Two Tonne Testimony has a bit of an Elvis feel going on, yah, that good. Later Elvis, the cool Elvis, the 68 comeback Elvis, the Mystery Train Elvis and all that, a two tonne testimony. Just calling it how I’m hearing it here, just reacting. Had this new Miraculous Mule album sitting here looking at me for a good couple of weeks now, just sitting on the shelf, head height, defying me to keep on not playing it, waiting for the moment, no distractions, damn I love this band. You know that already though, you’ve read the ravings and droolings on these fractured pages, hell I’ve been fool enough to put out some of their records in the past, previous bands, there’s one hell of a back catalogue now, the whole Dream City, Saint Silas thing that evolved and became the Mule, all one band really, just evolving, there’s some fine fine solo albums in there as well. Oh look, if the world of Miraculous Mule is new to you then you’ve got one hell of a lot of treats to go back and explore.
Hey look, I’m just going to be reheating things I’ve said before here, I’m just gonna go on like some deranged fool about The Stones and Them and the Blues and the proper real deal of it all, Miraculous Mule are a glorious timeless right here happening right now throwback, a proper classic band, the kind of band you don’t get to see any more unless it happens to be some cheap shot hipster retro facsimile of something someone saw in a style mag. The Mule are the real proper deal, a good and proper three-piece, the early days of Fast Eddie’s Motorhead, those days when ZZ Top out at Le Grange, Jerry Lee raising hell, damnation and Goatshead Soup, the Mule are also drenched in soul, they drip the stuff, they can’t help it, you can’t fake these things, you either have it or you’re some kind of beard growing hipster who never ever will.
There’s not many bands I really really care about at the moment, not In terms of bands out there doing it right now, St Agnes have it, Deathgrips do, Sex Swing do, Idles are on the nail and the Mule are drenched in that magical thing that makes band matter I kind of feel like I’m some kind of half-assed broken-eyed Sunday morning preacher when it comes to the gospel according to St Michael and his brothers, I feel like I’m on some kind of soapbox, why aren’t you all getting this? Why the hell are this band not all over the television and radio, where’s that flipwit Jools Holland? Doesn’t he know anything? Peel always got it, he loved ’em (yes he did tell me so, yes that was a name drop, Peel loved the Film Club), I don’t get why this band are still in the back rooms of pubs playing to an ecstatic handful? I should shut up, those backrooms are brilliant, last thing we want is the Mule disconnected in big venues and all over glossy television with that annoying man on piano, keep them secret, keep them poor, keep them lean and hungry, she loves Jesus more than she loves me, you either love this band or you don’t know about this band, get to a gig and get there now…
Hey look, if you’re expecting some kind of rational sensible review this ain’t the place, I LONG since stopped writing proper reviews, this matters too much to just sit churning out a “proper” review, I’m not gonna sit here and analysis and get all Pitchfork or Quietus on yer, this is raw, this bleeds, this is beautiful, the three of them, tuned in, this is album is almost certainly the best thing they’ve ever done, same as the last one was the best thing they’ve ever done, same as the last gig was the best gig, same as the next one will be, same all the time, leave you food and your sticks and your stones, hang your head in shame and run on home, catch up, get with the program, get with the Mule, listen to that riff, that’s proper, and this has to be the sound of the summer this year, you missed it last year, Jules you should be shot, this is no time for proper punctuation and ending a sentence, this is the only groove you’re gonna need, and yes there are gonna be riots, they cut, we bleed. What the hell is going on out there? The sound of kids in the park, lovers after dark, revolution sparked, the hopes and dreams all fading away, this is the only groove you’re gonna needs while the cuts burn and orangE looking one and his gang takes without asking.
You know, back when I first heard the Sound Of the Summer last year I din;t like it, I really didn’t, I was so so so wrong, I said so a few days later, this is so so so so so good, this is only groove you’ll ever need, this is Marvin, this Stevie Living For The City and I frankly don’t give a flying flip if you think this is getting over the top now, music matters and this excites and if I can’t call it how it is then why bother calling it. , That’s right, I’m just calling it as it is and I’m not going to re-writing and tidying the dam review up, this is no time to make it like a proper review, no time for looking for mercy in anyone’s eyes. is there anything better than Where Monsters Lead following straight on from Sound Of The Summer? Is there anything bigger than that monster?
Actually, I did put this one the other day, it wasn’t the right time though, it is now, you got to let the Mules brew, you got to let them settle, leave it on the bar and let that white head form on the black body, let it all settle and then let them drench you in all that soul, all that gospel, all those blues, and the rules according to Elvis and Jerry Lee and Mr Cash and Mick n’ Kieff, that properness of it all, the properness of their proper rock, the religious cult you join just to get some kicks, awake your evil nature, before that day comes when you run out of steam. And there’s some anger in here, the man who knocks, the shirt they take off your back, the calling of how it is, those cuts dig deep, blood on their hands, not satisfied until you’re down and out, bleeding in the gutter – this is the defiant sound of protest, of art made however tight the belt is pulled. You’re fit to work, they cut, we bleed and no one gives a damn about dignity.
They Cut We Bleed is the sound of summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring, this one does not deserve to be lost as just track seven on a mighty fine album, there’s as much Ken Loach there on track seven as there is Jerry Lee, there is on the whole album. I was worried I wasn’t going to like this album, I was really worried about them losing it, not being able to sustain it, not bring like they were last year,, letting us down, most bands do in the end, no one can keep it going for ever, how many years have they been brewing this up now? Doing it again and again? The last thing we needed was an album that wasn’t quite a good as last time around, we didn’t need no seven out of ten album, no yeah it is good but not quite as good, the thing has been sitting there bothering me for weeks, sitting there daring me to put it on and play it all the way through, I’ve been putting it off, I’ll save it ’till tomorrow, too much shit to deal with today, the man knocking at my door and what have you, I’ll listen to this other thing first, do the washing up or throw some paint or do some howling at the moon or something, take a few shots, I’ll play it tomorrow, no way the new album is going to be as good as I want it to be
Oh look, I don’t care what you think, I’m just calling it how it is, and this is all Starf*cker Goats Head Soup and Overkill at full volume and I’ll be Your Sister and Them stomping it in Northern Ireland in 1967 in black and white and Mystery Train Elvis road and if you think it can’t possibly be all that then tough, ignore this foolishness, your loss, not mine, I love this band to bits, I really worried about this album, that they couldn’t keep on delivering, of course they could, they did it again, what the hell was i worrying about, of course they did it again! You go listen to whatever you want to, I’m riding with the Mule and I don’t give a sh*t what you think of this review… Beautiful album, proper. (sw)
Release date: 24th March 2017